Perfection Beyond the Gap

This is something that has been on my mind recently, for many reasons. I have learned a few incredibly amazing insights in the past few weeks, so I thought I would share them.

I have been thinking lately about the kinds of things people usually say when they get up behind a pulpit in sacrament meeting, especially since my ward's last testimony meeting.  I have noticed that, most of the time, the things that are shared have to do with the thoughts people have after something difficult happens.  There are many things to think about after a trial.  I've noticed that most of the amazing stories people share come from those kinds of thoughts and experiences.

At my ward's last testimony meeting, I almost got up to share some things that I had been thinking about.  Then I remembered what I had noticed - how people usually get up and share things after something that was difficult ends.  When I remembered this, I decided not to get up, because what I was going through at the time was very much in the "happening" stage, not in the "retrospective" or "over" stage.

I wonder why we do this.  Are we only capable of learning in retrospect?  Why did I expect myself to only be good at sharing insights if I was in a retrospective phase of a trial?  As I thought on this, I realized that hard things are easier to talk about, and think about, as a thing of the past.  This is why the sequence of events seems to fall this way.

Trial --> Retrospect --> Share.

It's pretty natural.

But, what if the trial is ongoing?  What if it is something that needs a lot more work than some fairly temporary sadness and hardship?  Elongated trials are naturally harder than fleeting ones.  Taking a test, having a small sickness that interrupts your life for a time, or even cleaning your room or doing this dishes are easier to get through than dealing with the death of a Loved one, or having to let go of someone or something that meant the world to you.  These, of course, are only a few examples, and there are many more things that fit into each category.

For these longer, ongoing trials, what do we do?  Do we tend to naturally wait for the end of things so we can pull ourselves back together and properly think about it?  This can be very hard, even near impossible, if the trial is especially long and difficult.  I  have found that sitting through times like this and simply waiting for things to resolve or get better makes whatever is happening even more difficult to bear.  So, then, instead of waiting for a time when I can pull myself together, I have to make an effort to pull myself out long enough to be able to think about it; to go through a pondering process as if it were in retrospect, even though the hard time may be far from over.

"Wait, Kelsey, so you're saying that we can pull good things out of hard times, even when they are not perfect or back how we would like them to be?"

Definitely.

Something I have come to realize is that I am okay when things aren't perfect, because it means I have something to push for; somewhere to reach.  If I remember this during hard times, those difficult circumstances become more bearable.

So, what if the trial is something you yourself need to work on?  Maybe you're having trouble slipping into doing something you know you shouldn't be; something you want to change.  Apply the previous principal:

"It is ok that I'm not perfect, because it means I have something to push for."

When I think this, what I am going through not only becomes easier, but it becomes something I start to enjoy.  Not because I particularly like hard things, but because I Love learning.  I am happy when I see myself progress.

So, how do we reach through the gap between where we are and where we want to be?  As I was studying on this over the past couple weeks, I learned a few things that I would like to share with you.  First of all, this Perfection Beyond the Gap tends to become something we look for - even to the point of expectation.

Here's the thing about expectations, they are almost always unrealistic.

We tend to expect a lot of our circumstances, and especially a lot of ourselves.  What we expect can seem so far away that it is unreachable; the gap too broad.  We want to be able to be proud of ourselves, naturally.  We want those around us to be proud of us, too.  Our friends, our teachers, our coaches, our employers, our parents...  Expectations always seem to be so very high.  Something I have realized as of late is that there is really only one expectation we need to focus on.  One friend we need to turn to for our personal validation and affirmation.

This friend is our Heavenly Father.

"Security" by David Bowman

In Mary N. Cook's talk in the Young Women's Conference in April, she told the story of a girl named Kate.  Kate's father died when she was very young, and throughout her life she was constantly striving to make choices that would make him proud.  In discussing this, Sister Cook acknowledged:

"Kate knew that her father was aware of her choices, and she didn't want to disappoint him."

As we go through our trials, both inward, personal trials and those found in the circumstances around us, there are many expectations we feel we need to meet - many people we want to try our hardest not to disappoint, including ourselves.

It is very hard to pull through these trials while pushing through the gap toward the perfection in our expectations.  But, if we can find a way to pull ourselves out, rather than wait for a time when we can pull ourselves together, and ponder what is going on while it is happening, it will make us stronger and more able to get where we want to go.  As we ponder on the things we are going through, let us remember the conviction Kate had, and where she got her motivation.  Let us say to ourselves

"I know that my Father is aware of what I am doing, and I don't want to disappoint Him."

Let His expectations for you be the only ones that matter.  Strive to make it to the next step He puts in front of you.  He is a perfect friend who will be there for you one-hundred-percent, 100% of the time.  Rely on His guidance, and lean on His Love.  He will help you learn THROUGH your trials, not only after them.  He will aid you to the Perfection Beyond the Gap.

I know this, because today I am still not in the "retrospect" stage of what I am going through.  I am often frustrated with myself for my seeming stumped and stuck state, but I have let our Father, my Father, help pull me out so that I can still learn, progress, and feel whole.

 I have felt the reality of all of this, especially in the past few weeks.

He Loves you.  Let Him be your guide, and His steps will lead you toward the joy and perfection you are seeking.