More thoughts about how joy works:

This is a two-part post. Click here to read part one.

Last time we ended on a question:

Do you think God loving us means He wants us to be happy now? Does He care about our immediate, present happiness, or just the happiness we will feel when we return to Him after this earthly journey?

I've thought a lot about this question over the course of the last couple of months. As I've been pondering it, my thoughts have been led to things that help me better understand God's love. What ideas are you led to as you think about this? Some of my ideas are:

1. Learn more about God's plan for His children. For me, this is best done in the temple. Here, we learn more about the direct result of God's love for us: His PLAN for us to improve in this life and ultimately return to Him. It is His plan for our ultimate happiness. There is a reason we feel good when we worship there, and I'm starting to think that's exactly it.
2. Study the scriptures looking for examples and teachings of the Plan of Salvation.
3. Pray. There is something about prayer that opens my heart to feel God's love for me, and the reassurance that comes from that, especially when life feels really difficult.
4. Help others. In my first post about this, I mentioned a talk from General Conference by D. Todd Christofferson. Another thing he spoke of in his talk was how joy comes when we help show God's love to others. 

Christofferson told the story of a woman, named Joanne, who cared for her husband who was in an accident and was wheelchair-bound for most of their married life. Joanne said that while she was his caregiver, her heart was light. This made me wonder: how could a light heart be the result of such a challenging circumstance? Another question I considered at this point was:

What are the things that make my heart heavy?

How can the potential answers to the other happiness-related questions we've talked about so far help me heart be lighter?

As I thought about Joanne's story and how it applies to me, I wondered what it means for how God helps us. Is His influence, felt through the Spirit, only there to help us help others? What about when I personally need help from Him? Must we hope someone else will follow a prompting to help us individually, rather than receive a blessing or help straight from God? 

I've heard many times that the way God answers prayers is often through the people around us. But thinking that the Spirit doesn't help me directly doesn't sit right with me. The thought makes me disappointed. When I realized it makes me disappointed, I asked myself why I feel that way about it.

...maybe because my brain and heart expect to be helped in specific ways. We're not always conscious of it, but we tend to have pre-defined expectations and ideas for what we want things like answers to prayers, comfort, and help to look like. And we might feel like God isn't helping us if those expectations aren't met.

A couple of weeks ago in a church meeting, something one brother shared made me think about this. He talked about how he and his wife are trying to teach their baby how to fall asleep on her own. (Maybe this stuck out to me because I definitely know how that goes!) This brother talked about how they've been thinking about how their daughter must feel when she discovers she's in her bed instead of in mommy's or daddy's arms. She must feel alone. She must feel abandoned. She might even feel cold, helpless, and overall sad. When we think about this when it comes to babies, we might think it's silly because we know the baby is safe. Mom and dad are right on the other room, and if anything bad were to happen they would be there in a flash. We know this, but the baby doesn't.

This is probably similar to how our relationship with God looks sometimes. All we see is our life, which could be compared to a baby's crib. God knows how to make sure we're safe, and He's always close, kinda like the baby's parents in the other room. Sometimes we just have a hard time remembering He's there. We want His help in a certain way, and usually we want it immediately.

This connects to the next topic I felt I should share. I said in the first post about this that I would talk about two topics. Two topics that I believe go hand-in-hand. The first, which we've spent a lot of time on thus far, has been on how the Gospel of Jesus Christ helps us be happy. The second topic is emotional independence. I think the brother's thoughts about sleep training is a good example of how these topics are connected. Sleep training teaches a baby to independently sleep. God's training for us (you could call it "life training,") helps us independently...life. :)

Now don't get me wrong, we definitely need God in our lives, just like a baby still needs her parents even when she starts to learn things for herself, like sleep. But maybe the way we think we need God could be adjusted. What would it look like to assess the way we expect help to come, and then adjust it? Would we be more satisfied with the way things are? Would we find it easier to be happy?

I mentioned earlier that we each tend to have ways we expect to be helped and comforted, and that we are usually disappointed when these expectations are not met. Sometimes the emotion is actually stronger than disappointment; it may be loneliness, helplessness, sadness, resentment, or a variety of other hard things to deal with feeling. So what if we assessed those expectations? What if we asked ourselves what other ways we can accept help from God (or, for that matter, from others around us)?

Thinking about it this way came from a podcast I recently started listening to. The podcast is called Live from Love and it's by certified life&marriage coach Amanda Louder. It has helped me a lot as I've been dealing with difficult emotions and thoughts about myself, mostly surrounding what we've been talking about in these two posts.

This is Amanda.
@amandaloudercoaching on Instagram

Her podcast really is amazing. I listen to it on Spotify, but I know it's also available on iTunes. Here is her website if you're interested in more information.

One of the main things she talks about is how we each have what she calls a "manual" for how we'd like to be treated and how we expect people to act around us, particularly our spouses. We have a manual for our parents, our co-workers, our spouses, our kids, other drivers on the road, people in line at the grocery, etc. And we are disappointed when people don't follow that manual. Much of her podcast centers around how to be intentional as we think about these manuals, and one thing she talked about really struck me. She said: don't have any expectations of your spouse, or any other loved one. Fulfill your own needs, and just have your loved ones there for you to love.

I'll repeat that.

Don't have expectations of your loved ones. 

Fulfill your own needs, and just have your loved ones there for you to love.

At first this seemed totally unrealistic and dumb to me. No expectations? None? Isn't it okay for me to want to be loved, comforted, and cared for in a certain way? But then she goes on to talk about how the things we feel (loved, comforted, happy, at peace, etc.) all come from our own thoughts. They come from how we perceive things. Our emotions come from how we choose to react to our thoughts, and the idea that we can learn how to control those thoughts, and the emotions that follow them, is actually very empowering.

So, what would happen if we thought differently when it comes to our expectations of God, others, and ourselves? How does that apply to the happiness theme we've been focusing on here? Let's take a good look at what our expectations are of:

• How we feel happy
• How God answers our prayers and pleas for help
• How we feel God's love

Think about how you expect things to look, and then consider how you feel about those expectations. Do you like them? What could you change about them? What would that change look like for you? What if that statement about expectations also applied to God (i.e. don't have any expectations of God. Fulfill your own needs, and just have God there for you to love)? Something I've discovered while thinking and praying about all of these things is that the Lord's help comes in the form of me changing, not from my circumstance getting better or from others being better to me.

What do you think? I love thinking about this stuff, so if you want to keep talking about it with me please know I do NOT think it's weird for you to contact me with questions or comments about what I've shared here. Feel free to contact me and let's keep pondering together.

I invite you to include your Heavenly Father as you ponder and discover things about His love for you, His plan for you, your emotions and expectations, and ultimately how you can look for Christ's example as you decide how to be. 

He loves you.

Thank you for thinking about this with me.

When "joy" sometimes doesn't make sense

This is a two-part post. The second part is linked at the bottom of this post.

Hello friends.
I've had a lot on my mind about the last general conference lately. [For any of my readers who might not be aware, General Conference is a world-wide, weekend-long series of addresses from the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It's amazing(!) and I, along with many other members of the Church, look forward to it every six months.] Many of the talks from this last conference (October 2019) hit at exactly what I've been pondering for myself/in my life. Maybe because...

1. Conference talks have been somewhat correlated with the Come Follow Me manual
2. Conference talks are often correlated to each other because of the Spirit
3. the Spirit has bee directing my thoughts, OR
4. my own brain has been mushing everything together and trying to make something coherent out of all of it.

It's probably all four of those reasons. Because of these four things, I have a lot I feel I should share. I will be sharing a lot of my own recent spiritual/emotional thoughts and journey, and I hope that the questions I've been asking myself will be able to help you ponder and discover as you read through them. The topics I am going to share here are things that made me ask some complex questions of myself, so I want to take a self-reflective journey with you today. My hope is that you allow room for wherever our loving Heavenly Father will guide your thoughts as you read mine.

With that being said, I ask that you pause your reading for a moment. I encourage you to mentally do whatever you need to in order to get into an open, pondering, discovering frame of mine. Think a silent prayer. Take out notes. Clear distractions. Focus. Whatever you normally do when you want to deeply listen to your thoughts (and to God).

...read on once you're ready...

The two topics my thoughts will be centered on are:

1. How the Gospel (or following God's plan for us) helps us be happy
2. Emotional independence

I have been discovering that these topics are closely tied together. A talk in this last General Conference, given by D. Todd Christofferson, was the talk that initiated these thoughts for me. He reminded us how living God's plan for us (often called the Plan of Salvation by members of the LDS Church) and becoming Christ-like will bring us joy.

Question: What is it about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and living it that is supposed to bring us joy in this life?

We've heard time and again how living the Gospel is meant to help us be happy. How? Why? I'll repeat Christofferson's answers: living the Plan of Salvation and becoming Christlike will bring us joy.

Christ is the ultimate example of, well, everything we should strive to be. That applies to his example to us of living the Gospel. And while he likely wasn't constantly happy in a peppy, smiley, bubbles and sparkles sort of way (which is the imagery that comes to mind for me when I think of the concept of "happy"), I like to think He was/is pretty emotionally well-adjusted.

The harsh words of others didn't crush Him.

Things looking stressful or chaotic didn't send Him into a frenzy (read: totally me)

Most days, He didn't even know where He would eat or sleep, and that didn't seem to effect His mood or His ability to love and reach out to others.

He was so in tune with His Father that the things that weigh you and me down in this life had less effect on Him and He was able to simply listen to and follow the Spirit (fairly calmly, it seems to me) throughout His life. I'm not yet wise enough to know how exactly to define happiness, but I think the peace and assurity of living 100% in line with the Spirit is pretty dang close to what happiness is meant to be. Let's think about that prospect for a second See how this statement sits with you:

Happiness is the peace and assurity that comes 

from living 100% in line with the Spirit.

Do you agree with that? What about it rings true for you? What about it doesn't feel quire right, or what would you edit about it?

For me, when I think of how the Gospel is meant for us to be happy, my brain searches for examples to show me how that could be true. Christ is the ultimate example of that. Studying His life helps me know what it could look like to have a life 100% in line with the Spirit, because He lived that life. And I don't doubt He's still living it. 

How else does the Gospel bring us joy? Christofferson focused on the Plan of Salvation. Why? Is it because we look forward to a better life in the eternities than we have now? My mind initially resists that notion, because I've found that having a "grass is greener on the other side" or an "I'll be happy when fill-in-the-blank" attitude usually leads to disappointment. Isn't looking forward to eternity simply expecting that everything problematic in our lives will magically go away when we die? What about joy now? Doesn't our Father in Heaven want us to have joy now, not just at the prospect of something better in the future?

Think about that for a second. Do you think God loving us means He wants us to be happy now? Does He care about our immediate, present happiness, or just the happiness we will feel when we return to Him after this earthly journey?

This is a BIG question. And because it's such a big question, I am going to leave the question with you to think about until I finish these thoughts in my next post.

Here is the question again: Do you think God loving us means He wants us to be happy now? Does He care about our immediate, present happiness, or just the happiness we will feel when we return to Him after this earthly journey?

Here are two thoughts to consider as you ponder on that question:

One: I have found that I feel more joy when I learn more about God's love for me. Learning just how much God loves me produces a kind of intangible, joyous effect -- kind of like magic. So, how can we come to understand more about God's love for us so we can have more of those happy-making effects?

Two: I want to insert a disclaimer here that I'm not talking about happiness as a peppy-smiley, bubbles and sparkles. I mean happiness as I described it earlier: as the peace and assurity that comes from being 100% in line with the Spirit. This doesn't mean achieving/finding happiness will get rid of all our problems. It doesn't mean all of our emotions will be pleasant and positive. I think happiness and joy are deeper and more complex emotions than that.

Here's the question one more time: Do you think God loving us means He wants us to be happy now? Does He care about our immediate, present happiness, or just the happiness we will feel when we return to Him after this earthly journey?

Sit with that for a while. Ask God to help direct your thoughts so that you can discover what HE has in store for you to learn. And then write down the answers you receive. I am a firm believer that writing something down helps our minds learn it better.

Until next time. (Click here for the second part of this post.)

<3

Christ Understands, Literally

My scripture study this week led me to think on some things that are incredibly important to me. They are centered around a question at the core of my beliefs--actually, at the core of Christianity as a whole. These things I explored and am about to share with you are things I have often felt I should understand more fully, things I believe in but my ability to articulate them and feel confident in my knowledge behind them have, in my opinion, come up wanting. I say "things," but it all enters on one particular, all-encompassing thing:

The Atonement of Jesus Christ.

I've had a question travel through my head several times over the past few months. That question is:

"What exactly do I believe about Jesus Christ, and what scriptural backing is there behind those beliefs?"

My thoughts around this question focus on a particular aspect of my beliefs about our Savior: the ever-important night in the Garden of Gethsemane. I've always been taught that Christ has a perfect understanding of everything we go through in life, not just the things related to sin but also every pain of spirit, body, heart, and mind that we experience here on earth. This belief has been my lighthouse in the fog of life, my anchor in storms of doubt and worry. He understands my heartbreak. He has felt my anxieties. He knows what I go through in the times I feel alone, unimportant, unqualified, or unloved. He even understands the more petty things like jealousy or boredom, and the more temporary things (a.k.a things that only apply to this mortal life) like financial worry, career choices, and even meal planning.

I could not function in life without the knowledge that Christ knows how I feel in all of my circumstances and emotions. I've taken comfort in this belief since I started learning of Christ and praying with Him in my mind and heart when I was around 6 years old. But, in Sunday School a few weeks ago, the thought came to mind that my understanding is that Christ's ability to have this perfect empathy is because of what happened in the Garden of Gethsemane, and that the actual accounts of the Garden in the New Testament don't substantiate that belief. This was a huge challenge for me, because it meant that my core beliefs about how Christ is involved in my life don't have a scriptural source. That the testimony I've held on to came merely by word of mouth from parents and teachers.

But that couldn't be right. I was sure I had found scriptures that resonate with what I have felt since I can remember. I thought about this on and off in the following weeks, but never felt directed to any particular scriptures. Or, rather, any scriptures I turned to didn't seem to have the content I wanted. Any time the Garden of Gethsemane or the Atonement has been brought up recently, I've felt a twinge of worry and doubt cross my heart. However, I've also felt an excitement and determination to learn more. This past Friday as I opened up my "Come, Follow Me" study guide, I was thrilled to see this week's study topic: "Not as I will, but as Thou wilt." It was about Christ's experience in the Garden! I delved into the contents of the lesson and found scriptures that brought solace to my soul and joy to my heart. I want to record those scriptures and thoughts here, so that I can refer back to them when I need them, but also in hopes that they can help someone else understand more about our Savior, Jesus Christ, too:

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows (Isaiah 3:4)

He shall suffer temptations and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer (Mosiah 3:7)

And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. (Alma 7:11-12)

The Lord searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee (1 Chronicles, 28:9)

This is not the first time I've read these phrases. In fact, many of them were already marked in my scriptures. It is, however, the first time they resonated with me in the way they did this week. These were the answers I had been searching for. Our Savior truly knows us. He understands everything we go through. He knows how to comfort and guide us because He has experienced it all "according to the flesh" (a.k.a in the exact same way we do).

He wants us to live our lives in the most fulfilling way possible. He promises us: "I am come that they might have life, and they they might have it more abundantly" (John 10:10). Or, if we adjust those words to have a more personal tone:

I am come that you might have life, and that you might have it more abundantly.

Connecting these scriptures to the questions I've had in my mind these past few months has given me a new understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I will not pretend I understand it in its entirety, but my beliefs have certainly been strengthened, as has my resolve to intentionally include Christ in my life from day to day. I hope you feel the same result from pondering with me.

Forgiveness in Numbers

Numbers 23.
Remember how I said I was going to post things I'm learning from the Old Testament? Well, sometimes after reading a couple of chapters it's all I can do to try to understand it in the first place, let alone feel all spiritual-magic-learning-mode from it. I suppose that can happen with any book of scripture, but I've found it particularly difficult with the old testament, particularly much of Leviticus and Numbers. So, today as I said a little prayer before I studied, I changed my plea from "help me understand what I read" to:

"Help me get from this study what thou wouldst have me learn."

And, go figure, I got something out of it! I'm currently reading about Balak and Balaam. Don't ask me to tell you which is which, because I haven't gotten that far yet. One of them wanted the other to curse a group of people for him. Israel? Oh, goodness, that doesn't sound right. Again, I'm not perfect at the interpretation part. Well, what ends up being said is: "How shall I curse, whom God hat not cursed? or how shall I defy, whom the Lord hath not defied?" (verse 8). This reminded me of the scripture: "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."

God has the authority to decide whether or not a people should be cursed...er, if we pick a less sorcerer way of saying that: He has the authority to decide what happens to people spiritually. Because He knows each and every one of His children. It is not the responsibility of His children to decide those things. It is not our requirement to decide whether or not a person should be forgiven--it is required of us to forgive all men.

I'm glad that the Old Testament can help reinforce other scripture for me.

Until next thought,
Kelsey

Offering

Leviticus is full of instructions on how to give offerings. At first, I thought these were all different instructions for virtually the same type of sacrificial offering, and I found myself confused as to why so many chapters were saying the exact same thing. When I turned to my trust study guide, however, I learned that there are several different types of offerings. There are regular offerings associated with feasts or celebrations, offerings for the seasons, etc. These offerings are different from offerings that have to do with reconciliation or repentance. As I delved more into the study guide, I learned that there is a conceptual difference between an offering for transgression (or trespass against God) and an offering for sin. The sin offerings are regular occurrences simply because man is sinful, while transgression offerings are to right a wrong.

Now, before you start thinking that I'm of the belief that man is inherently bad, let me explain. The scriptures teach us in multiple places that we live in a fallen world, and are thus fallen beings. The joyous goal of this life is to learn and grow, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, so that we can return to our Father in Heaven in a not-so-fallen state. His preference, really His Plan, is that we return in a perfect state. But, while we are here, that's not the case. We are fallen. We are imperfect, simply by nature. And many of the sacrifices that were made anciently were to acknowledge that. As well, of course, as to symbolize that the real way to overcome our imperfections is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Offerings for trespasses against God also have this purpose; however, if I've read correctly, these offerings are more specific as they are done when certain sinful acts are committed.

Thinking about the difference between these two types of offerings gives me perspective on what kinds of sacrifices we offer in our lives. We don't only need to sacrifice for the Lord when we do wrong things. That is crucial and part of repentance, but we also need to sacrifice simply because we are fallen and require His Atonement in order to work towards being whole. Every day. This doesn't mean that we are terrible and without sacrifice we "totally suck." It means that with sacrifice, which is essentially acknowledging that our Father in Heaven owns all we have and Christ is responsible for our ability to repent and progress, we gain more perspective into how the Lord can help us. As a result, we become (if I may say so), not-so-fallen. Or at least, a little less fallen every time we sacrifice our time, talents, resources, or anything else to Him.

Another thing I've been pondering on is how Jesus Christ is all parts of these symbolic ancient sacrifices. He is the Offering, the Offerer, and the Priest. I had always thought of us as the Offerer, so this helped me see sacrificing for the Lord in a less selfish way. 

Think about it.

In The Beginning

Two reasons for the title: 

1) I'm now studying the Old Testament. I've gone through it before, but that was in High School and not in earnest. I now have more spiritual knowledge (as well as a nearby study manual and scripture-wiz-husband) to back me up.

2) This is a new beginning of blogging for me. I used to blog consistently, and I'm discovering I miss it. I've been feeling out of sync with myself in adjusting to mommy life, so, with the start of the new year, my husband helped me make some resolutions that will help me be more in tune with myself. Here are those "beginnings":

• When baby takes a nap, open my journal and just start writing.
• Work on not automatically contradicting others
• nor myself
• and also on not interrupting others mid-thought
• When I'm at work, be at work by reminding myself that:
• I can trust my husband's parenting.
• Baby will ultimately be fine.
• There's nothing I can do about what's happening at home at this moment, so enjoy being here because I do actually like my job.
• Do something to help my body feel better each day
• Write thoughts each time I study the scriptures

That last one is the majority of the reason I'm writing this post. I want to document the things I learn as I study. Here are a few thoughts from today:

Leviticus 1:

The ancient law of sacrifice dictates that a true sacrificial offering must be (according to this chapter):

1. a burnt sacrifice
2. a male without blemish
3. voluntary
4. taken to the door of the tabernacle
5. cut into pieces
6. in order
7. washed in water

We can think about these things, of course, as they apply to Jesus Christ. He was a male without blemish. His sacrifice was entirely voluntary. He frequented the temple, cleansed it, and taught people both in and near it. His flesh was cut (or, more precisely, torn). He was baptized "to fulfill all righteousness" and was thus washed with water. As He obeyed His Father's will, all things were in order. I haven't quite figured out the symbolism of burning the sacrifice yet--maybe it has something to do with the fire of the Holy Spirit.

Another thing that stuck out to me was that the sacrifice must be "of the flock." I took this to mean that it couldn't be just any old sheep or calf, but instead must be of the flock of the shepherd. It must be dear to the one offering it, just as Christ, being the firstborn son of the Father, was dear to Him.

They That Erred in Spirit

My blog and I are alive and well again. And something else that is alive and well is my scripture study. Can I just say, some absolutely amazing spiritual confirmations and miracles have taken place in the last couple of weeks, and I know these things came only because I'm doing my best to make daily scripture study and regular temple attendance a priority. I have been so enriched.

I wanted to share something I learned in my study this morning. I began anew my study of the Book of Mormon when I got home from my mission a little over a month ago, and I'm now in the Isaiah chapters. Yes, I actually learned something from the Isaiah chapters! It's been astounding to see what the Spirit can do.

The beginning of 2 Nephi 27 talks about what it feels like to be without the guidance and comfort of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives. Isaiah is a fantastic poet and brings such imagery to his description:

"...shall be as a dream of a night vision; yea, it shall be unto them, even as unto a hungry man which dreameth, and behold he eateth but he awaketh and his soul is empty; or like unto a thirsty man which dreameth, and behold he drinketh but he awaketh and behold he is faint, and his soul hath appetite" (2 Nephi 27:3)

Have you ever felt something like this? A sense that something is missing--that no matter what you do, something about your life doesn't quite feel complete? I for sure have. And the more I've learned about life and about our Savior, Jesus Christ, the more I've come to recognize that this emptiness comes when we aren't inviting Christ into our hearts. And it's a terribly lonely feeling.

But Christ always gives us reassurance. There is no such thing as taking too long or being too far away.

"They also that erred in spirit shall come to understanding, and they that murmured shall learn doctrine." (2 Nephi 27:35)

In a general sense, this verse refers to what will happen when the Savior comes to earth again, which will be miraculous. However, I think it can also apply on an individual basis and the timing is dependent only upon our asking for Him. On an individual scale, this understanding and doctrine and comfort can be part of our lives as soon as we invite Him in.

So take a minute to ponder how you can let Him in more in your life. And I adore talking about this stuff, so feel free to share it with me.

Love,
Kelsey

Smile

to be spiritually minded is life eternal (2 Nephi 9:39)

that I might know Thee
that I might know me
that I may have this hope
PURIFIED
eternally

a spinning reflection of prose once loved
still loved. thrill loved.
to resonate through and connect with above
your love
HIS LOVE.

assurance of meaning
of power
effect-ion
congruent and teeming with perfect affection.

for I see through a glass
but because He knows
I can cut off the mask
and show how it glows

each sparkle, each angle,
and even each dent
all have a part
for what I was sent

take in what was given
then more abundantly
pours
to know my heart
as I start to know Yours.
to see OPENED DOORS.

Because He knows ME.
Then I can know Thee.
That I may be like Him
And more of ME, SEE.

Written December 28th, 2016 while I was on an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Location: Kirkland, WA.

Inspired by these scriptures:
2 Nephi 9:39
John 17:3
Moroni 7:8
1 Corinthians 3:12
2 Nephi 28:30
Mosiah 18:1
Moroni 7:48

Real

with each crack in slips a drop
          sticky
                    sweet
                              untrue

all I lack refuse to stop
until the heartmind flew

wind and turmoil never cease
the sticky won't relent
hardened now cannot release
but melt upon REPENT

a seeker
whizzing through
but take the time to stop
THE SPEAKER
words ring true
the stuck begins to drop

Renew. Reflect. Repent.
It worsened and then went.

Oh then is not this real?
comes swirling in the door
with substance true and solid feel
unlike I saw before.

The spirit writes anew on tables of the heart.
Stories which ring clear and true.
HIS. I am called to start.

Literal, the effects rooted enter into heart and mind.
MY STORY
now for the Lord
help me the answer
     --FIND--
much faster than I thought.

My heart is sure,
the Lord is kind
and to me much was taught.

Written on November 29th , 2015 while I was on an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Location: Kirkland, WA.

Inspired from these scripture references:
Helaman 5:12
Alma 34:9
Ezekiel 36:26
Alma 27:18
Alma 32:35
2 Corinthians 3:3
Jeremiah 31:33
Alma 32:37

New Moment

word and thought resonating through

angels speak. 

discoveries spark in lesson anew
to the weak
     and beat and soft 

the clicks and scents from magic past
tick and prick when stiffen
memories that push to last
stick.
whether not to listen.

long for the otherwise
begin a change to start
rechannel new from once demise
     alter tender heart.

Written September 24, 2015 while I was on an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Location: Issaquah, WA.

Inspired by these scripture references:
2 Nephi 32:3
2 Nephi 2:7
Proverbs 3:5-6
Ezekiel 36:26

The Author

Notice happiness.
Remember the smells of the day.
Choose the cherish.
And chase all doubts away.

The hand ticktockticking and
          tick...
                    tock...
                              tick...
                when wishing all the clicking would stick.

On whom you rely
For whom you are here
From whom your supply
To whom you'll be near
Remember.

The light and the life
Your world and all strife
in Him all embraced
His work is in haste

His work.
     His light.
          His glory.

Your heart. Your fight. Your story.

Written March 13th, 2015 while I was on an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Location: Magnolia, WA.

January Fourteenth

Through all of the hustle and bustle and fear,
I know the LORD loves me and will remain near
With all of the colors mushed into one pot
I can always find my sacred spot.

Right here in these pages emotions contort.
And once they are out I can find support.
In seeing Him and seeing me,
and how and who He wants me to be.

Written on my first day at the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT

Faith is Becoming

Having faith in Christ leads to becoming like Him.

"And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be meek and lowly of heart." - Moroni 7: 43

Being "meek and lowly of heart" means that we are willing to recognize our flaws, or recognize where there is a gap between where we are and where Christ would have us be.

I want to follow Christ.  And, because Christ is the perfect example of living what He teaches, being like Him is the same thing as following His word.  If we want to become like Him, we must live His teachings and commandments.

Being like Christ leads to a better and more happy life.  One of the blessings promised when we work on the gap between ourselves and Christ is suggested in the scripture above: increased faith and hope.

There's my short thought for the day. Think about it. :)

Preparation

"And thus we see that the Lord did visit them in the fullness of his wrath, and their wickedness and abominations had prepared a way for their everlasting destruction." Ether 14:25

The use of the word "prepared" in this verse struck me as I read.  As mentioned in a previous post, the end of the Book of Mormon is filled with war.  Not only war, but war where there doesn't seem to be a "good side" or a "bad side" because everyone has drifted away from God and all things righteous.  It is all about revenge, murder, and power.

This specific record was written by the Prophet of the time, Ether.  He had before prophesied that if the people did not repent, destruction would come upon all of them.  The people continued to pull further and further from God until, at the end of the record, everyone is dead.  Just before this, Ether reminds us why he is including this part of the story, as full of carnage and evil as it is.  He reminds us that the choices the people made are what prepared their destruction. They prepared their own deaths.

When I read this, I thought: 

What am I preparing for?  

Every choice I make will be a step in one direction or another.  Reading that word, prepared, helped me form a goal to think about my choices and their consequences a little bit more.  

When I make the choice to run in the morning even when I'd rather fuse with my mattress, I'm preparing to have a healthier body and heart.  When I decide to read my scriptures even when I'm tired or busy, I am preparing to have the Spirit of the Lord with me as I go throughout my day.  When I study to come closer to Christ, I am preparing for the coming of Christ.

I make small choices every day that prepare me for something. We all do.

What are you preparing for?

Building Hope

It's cool what you learn when you go back and re-study your own notes.  I had missed something important even though I wrote most of it down - which I'm glad I did, because now I have all these spiritual gems to look over again.

Hope is connected to patience. This came up in my study of Christ-like attributes, which I've been discovering are all connected through Christ.  Here is the connection, found in Paul's letter to the Romans:

"...but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope; and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)

Hope is an expectation, or trust, that the Lord will fulfill His promises to us.  When we hope, we can have patience through confusion and pain as we go through hard things. In addition, when we remember to have patience with ourselves and with the Lord, our hope is built up as we rely on Him.  This is all made possible through the presence of His Spirit, which is "shed abroad in our hearts" as we remember and feel His love.

So, my friends, I want you to know something.  I want you to know that no matter how hard things are right now, no matter how long it's seems to take for things to get better, your patience will be rewarded - maybe not with a solution just yet, but with an abundant feeling of God's love for you.  He does love you, and He wants to show you just how much.  Talk with Him, and you will feel that love.

And if you need a listening ear, mine is open.

Christ Will Dash My Fears

"...and with that awful fear of death which fills the breasts of all the wicked, did they await to receive them." Mormon 6:7

Footsteps n the Sand, a poem. 

The end of the Book of Mormon is filled with prominently one thing: war.  By the sixth chapter of Mormon, all but 24 of the entire Nephite people is slaughtered by the Lamanites.  The verse above quotes Mormon's comments on how the Nephites felt before the final battle.  They were very afraid.

Previously in the stories of the Book of Mormon, the Nephites often prevailed in war, because they were righteous and had the Lord on their side.  In these final chapters, however, Mormon tells us as readers that the people of Nephi were very wicked and refused to repent.

Mormon specifically says in the above verse that this fear "fills the breasts of the wicked.

Worldly and temporal things let fear dominate our hearts when we are far from the Lord.  It makes sense to me, then, that the opposite would be true: when we are close to the Lord, fear for things we know of in this life will not overwhelm us, for God brings us strength and peace.

When I am close to the Lord, I will not be overwhelmed by stress for school or work or the future or...dating...

He will support me and calm my troubled heart.

Eye to Eye

I read something hopeful in my study today.

18 Thy watchmen shall lift up the voice; with the voice together shall they sing, for they shall see eye to eye when the Lord shall bring again Zion. (3 Nephi 16:18)

The world is full of so much confusion and disagreement.  Everyone is constantly coming up with arguments and trying to prove their way right and other ways wrong.  It's hard to know what sides to take sometimes - and it's very confusing when you want your personal beliefs to coincide with everything else you think about, be it morality, modesty, equality, etc.

Besides making me think of this song, which is happy in and of itself, this scriptural promise is comforting.  First off, it is comforting in a sense of a future perspective, looking toward when the Lord will come again, rule, and the world will simply make more sense.

It's also hopeful in another way, though.  The chapter summary says this will happen "when the Lord brings again Zion," which could very well be referring to what happens when people are close the the Lord.  When we seek Him, He helps guide minds and hearts, and people tend to agree more. The Lord, through both His infinite wisdom and His astounding love for all of us, makes things match up.

Maybe love is the reason why

For the first time ever,

We're seeing it eye-to eye

Guided.

From the Thoughts of Life blog

Therefore, thus saith the Lord: Because of the hardness of the hearts of the people of the Nephites, except they repent I will take away my word from them, and I will withdraw my Spirit from them, and I will suffer them no longer, and I will turn the hearts of their brethren against them. - Helaman 13:8

I've been thinking a lot lately about how the Spirit works and what it does for us.  Whenever the Nephites win a battle in the Book of Mormon, the prophet who is writing acknowledges that it is because they had the Spirit of the Lord with them, which gave them strength.  I think this can be interpreted in various ways, one being that the Spirit can literally give us strength when we are fighting our battles, because the Lord fights alongside us.  Sometimes, the strength of the Lord even keeps enemies away instead of letting them attack in the first place.

Another way that rings true to me is this: when we have the Spirit, we are more in tune with God's will, and we are thus guided through our battles to an end that He wants for us.  The truth is, we do have battles to fight, and often our enemies are stronger than we are.  The Lord doesn't always take these battles away or fight them for us, usually because He needs us to gain something from them.  However, the Spirit gives us guidance, and because that is Heavenly guidance, it is another kind of strength - a strength in divine knowledge - that cannot be gained any other way.

I am so grateful for the guidance of His Spirit in my life. It really does help me through my battles.

Perfect Power

I made an exciting and enlightening connection in my study today. I'm currently reading My Redeemer Lives, a compilation of Easter talks. The talk I'm on is Elder Belnap's To Them Gave He Power to Become.  In this talk, Elder Belnap discusses the Atonement and the perfection of Christ.

In one section of the talk, he references Hebrews 4:14-16, which says that Christ is without sin.  When I thought about this, I realized that it feels right to me to think of it this way: Christ isn't endowed with some unique anti-sin power that we can't have - He has power over sin because of His closeness to His Father, and because of his determined resistance to temptation.  If we want Satan to be bound, we must do that same thing - come close to both Christ and our Father so we can gain the strength to resist temptation.

Christ really did set the example for us in all things.

Letter To Me

Dear me at nineteen,

You just moved away from home for the first time.  This is the most dramatic change of your life so far, and you're excited, scared, shy, and feeling a little small - but you are also overcome with the feeling of BIG.  This is a big thing for you - and the roommates you have now will become the best thing that ever happened.  You'll gain so much from them, laugh more than you thought possible, scream at the TV, learn beauty tips, and experience Pangaea (you just wait).  Your heart will never let go of these girls - even when they get married before you do.

I may very well have listened to Letter To Me by Brad Paisley for inspiration here (yes, you will come to love and appreciate country).  You will receive a lot of comfort from that song come March – thank you to one of your darling girlfriends for that one.  You’ll be roommates with her in Summer 2014, and she’ll continue to be a great example of love, understanding, and acceptance for you.  Take advantage of that.  In fact, take advantage of all of the wonderful examples in the next twenty months.  You will meet many, some very unlikely, and they will teach you a lot.

One will help you realize there is messy craziness in the world, but that entropy is part of life and it’s okay.

One will teach you how to be truly observant of yourself.  He will help you feel yourself out and be in tune with your emotions in ways you didn’t know you needed.

Another will remind you that even the happiest, most social people need to feel noticed.

One very important person will show you that you are worth loving, and that soaking up each moment is the best way to live.

That same person will teach you to embrace your quirks, love your under-appreciated movies, and not be embarrassed of your affinity with exceptional phrasing… even puns.

You will be reassured that God is with you through many sources, scriptural and otherwise.  The Lord will be closer to you than ever before.

A dear friend at work will remind you to move forward in faith, taking action even when you are unsure.

One will help you solidify the idea that listening to silly pop-stars helps – especially when you are crazy emotional.

Similarly, you will learn from multiple people that indie music can brighten your mood and really help you think.  Don’t reject this idea – I know you want to.

Shannon Hale, that lovely genius of a woman, will teach you that embracing your love of the Austen world is okay.  Beneficial and therapeutic, even.

You will learn to see beauty in the world more fully.

An unlikely friend will help you break barriers related to sharing your emotional stories.

He will also show you that, even though things are messy, you are strong – and, more importantly, you need not be ashamed of your past.

One will tell you the meaning of matching energy levels to make connections.

One will show you to challenge your beliefs.  Don’t reject this, because it will only strengthen your convictions.

A supervisor will teach you that there is meaning in rules and guidelines.

Following promptings will come to mean more to you.

You will learn to be persistent, encouraging, and even how to change lives.

You will read, listen to, and watch things that will blow your mind and change your perspective about absolutely everything.

You are going to learn things about yourself that you’ve never thought of.  In all honesty, chica, I don’t believe in writing “what I wish I knew in…” style things, because 

I don’t wish 

                   you knew then 

                                         what I know now.  

                                                                      I know you.  

You learn things when you are ready for them, and you’re not ready to learn everything you will yet.  I will tell you, though, that you will be ready to learn more than you ever thought you could when it’s all over.

You will find heroes, and you will discover just how much the concept of heroes means to you, because of your connection to their personalities.  Keep your heart open, and these next twenty months (I can hardly believe it has only been 20 months) will be the BIGGEST of your life.  Listen to people, especially to your own thoughts, and you will stretch yourself.  You will learn, and you will change – but don’t be scared of that. 

Remember how mom once said, very wisely, that the only thing constant in life is change?

That’s still true.

Love, with all the encouragement and reassurance I can muster,

You at twenty-one.