Odd Me

Time for another semi random post, as most of my posts are. :)
I don't know exactly, but this may be the last post you see here for a couple months. Why?
Oh..... here we go.
--ACT in less than a month. 600+ page book to read. Gotta stay on schedule with that.
--Guard three days a week. My days are booked until' around 6PM on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.
--Oh, plus personal practice. Which is absolutely necessary.  I feel really bad when I don't.  Though I can't on most Wednesdays.
--SCHOLARSHIPS. Yes, I need to apply for those.  Make time, make time.
--Applying for COLLEGE. AH!! Not. Ready. Oh, and "Letters of Recommendation"?? Vat ees thees?
--AP Art History: Why am I taking such an overwhelming class on top of the rest of my life?  Because I want to learn about art. It's really really interesting and I like it a lot. However, this class happens to have a lot of work... it's all interesting (except the cutting and gluing of flashcards), just time consuming.
--IB Math SL. Again, WHY am I doing this to myself?  Because I'm insane.  SO glad I have Simons.  He rocks.  Oh, and I wouldn't be surviving that class without Dream and Silverlight.  And Jen, Smiley, and Ch~, sometimes.  But mostly Silverlight and Dream.  Thanks you two!  You keep me alive in there!
--CHOIR! (I'm in AWE. And Concert, but I'm not in the class for Concert.  I'm learning the music on my own time - which I have little of, but it's very very much worth it to me.)  Which I Love. That and Guard are my outlets in all of this craziness. I ADORE all choir people.  They help me VERY muchly much to survive as well.  Some of the ones on the top of the "Helping Kiki stay alive list" are:
Kenna (nickname to be determined..)
Silverlight
Dream
Scales
Gladiator
KGreen (need a better name for you too... but OH goodness I LOVE her!!)
ZachO
Twin (I would be dead without her. Seriously. I NEED this girl!)
LittleSis
Poker
Sleepy (I think you need a new name again.  I know I've changed it many times, but this one doesn't quite say YOU.)
Jendley (hahah! I just came up with that! I like it!)
Tueller (who I recently remembered I'm related to ;) Through Muffin)
Potatoes
um.. there are probably more. I Love them all. Oh, and these are only the ones in choir. Though that constitutes most of the list. :D

--AP English. So far the workload hasn't been too much.  I haven't had a whole lot of worry about this class. Maybe I will though.  Hopefully it wont get too bad, especially in the next two months.
--Physiology. Not TOO bad of a workload, but it's one of my more heavy classes
um.. I think that is all.  It's a lot.  And that is why this will be the last post for a while.  I'm surprised I have some free time today.  It's a blessing.

Throughout the list I just typed up, you may have noticed I seemed quite calm.  I can assure you that was not the case yesterday.  I've been super duper emotional lately, and yesterday EVERYthing I've been stressed about, sad about, mad about, or any other negative feeling about came CRASHING down on me.  I literally could not make myself be put together.  Even after I got a hold of myself, 20 seconds later I broke down again.  I'm apologizing now for those I've snapped at or will snap at throughout this whole thing.  Though I'll probably apologize again.  Thanks for putting up with me, I'm very very much in debt to all of you.

Ok. Next item of business..
Not really business.  Business isn't attached to emotion.  Which I always always am.  Very much so.  It's part of the whole human thing. :) But anyway, this next little part is so attached to emotion that it's pretty much ridiculous.  I was having some ridiculous thoughts on Friday, and wrote them in my journal.

So, I've been strangely sad. Kind of pathetically so... and something that happened on Saturday night.  It reminded me what makes people genuinely happy when they're bummed.

I tried to help someone else be happy.

I'm not going to say who here.. though they might have figured it out.  I'll just say this person has helped me SO many times and in so many ways that neither they or I can think of them all. 

And it made me feel a lot better.  Even though I didn't do anything extravagant.  Maybe it's something about knowing someone needs you that makes you feel better.. or something.  I don't know how to describe it, I just know it works. :)  I was feeling way super duper down, and I put aside my problems and tried to make them feel better.  Thanks a million. :)

Last night, I opened up my box and read those words that usually make me feel better.  Some of them.. actually made me feel worse.  And the rest of them neither hurt nor helped, really.  This. Is also very odd.  Hence the title of this post.


I know I say this a lot, but I just keep thinking about how I'd be SO much worse off if it weren't for those people I Love and cherish.  Most of them were mentioned in the choir list, but there are a few who aren't there who also have helped me more than I can even comprehend.

Mr. Smooth
Naomi
Mrs. F
Muffin
Mom
Padre
Shendley (Jendley's little sister. Love. Her.)
VedySmot
ESoza
Wes
MLE
Nattle (Nat. L... just in case you don't recognize your own nickname ;))
McAllen (I met him recently, so he's a new addition to the blog. He's one of Dream's friends and he makes me smile.)
Brother Little
And I like to remind you of the choir people, too.  They help me SO much.

You all are literally my happiness, sanity, and life savers.  I'm not trying to be queso here.
My heart is full of so much Love (on top of all the other emotions) that it may burst.  I. Love. You. SO MUCH!

--Kiki
AKA Odd Me. A very emotional girl right now.

Thank You's

Basically, life is great :)  I'm not saying there aren't bumps in the road, but overall it's been quite enjoyable :) I Love my friends!!  I'd like to give a thank you to:
ChuddaChudda, who makes my day, everyday.  There are so many things I could say here, but I'll just sum it up by saying he's my everything. :) He always knows how to make me smile and helps me be happy - even when he doesn't know he's doing it. I Love you :)
MomWebb, who is my inspiration and my hero.  I Love her more than I can say.  She always knows how to make things right when everything is falling apart, and she's one of my best friends :)
Michilli! [sorry if I spelled that wrong] My gorgeous little sister, I'm so glad we have become such great buds :D
Twin, who lights up my world ;)
LittleSis, who is always eager to Love.  And gives some of the best hugs ever!
Gladiator, who laughs with me [not at me] when I'm being a dork, and smiles at my randomness.
Tiave, who makes me smile.. despite how ridiculous he is to deal with, sometimes.  Love ya :)
SilverLight, Eli~.  I just came up with this, because she has like water-blue-silver eyes, and she.... just glows.  She always says hi to me when she see's me, and smiles.  She has a way of making you feel wanted just when you really need it.
KyDancer, who gives me reasons to laugh all the time.  I'm much better off because of her bright pretty face :)
Wall, who also makes me laugh.  Everything about this amazing gal puts a smile on my face :)
Katie J., just adorable in every way!  She really hasn't changed since we were six.  Her smile is SO contagious.
ZANK! Because he always knows just when to be a dork, when I really need to smile. Hey hey hey ;)
Soza, who is courteous.  He always says thank you, even for the small things, and always says hi to me.
Poker, who is good at making me smile.. most of the time :)
Jareth! Isn't that one of the coolest names you've ever heard?? He's an upcoming freshman, and has decided to join the lovelyness of guard!  I've only known him two days, but so far he's made me smile :)
Sketch.. Wow.  She attacks me everytime I see her, and makes me feel SO Loved. 
Scales. Always excited to see me. :)
Dream, who I can trust, and can trust me. Great listener :)
There are probably many more people who do little things to make me smile, but these are the ones I remember the most right now.  Thank you all so much!  You are the ones who make my life happy :)

Love Love Love Love Love

Why did I capatalize all of those?  Because.  I think it's much better to capatalize that word.  Love.  It's a very important word, and has an even more important meaning.  P.S. that was Indescribable's doing. Here's a shoutout for him. Thank you! :)
Love.  Yes.  There are a lot of things Kiki loves.  They're all on that happy list, and right now, I'm going to talk about Guard.  Because it's amazing.
Guard yesterday was super duper duper FUN!  We changed some of the stuff in the show, just simple changes mostly, but it makes it so much more... involved!  It's awesomely fun!  Other people were happy with it too.  Rocky started doing victory dances.  Pretty soon, Sleepy joined him.. and then of course who couldn't resist?  ME that's who!  So there were three of us crazy guard member running around in circles with our flags raised over our heads.  Oh. My. Goodness. I laughed so much yesterday I thought my sides would BUST!!  I love Love LOOVE it when that happens!! 
Flags.  So Twin and Jess discovered yesterday that I messed up on putting the flags on the poles.. some of them are upside down.  Oopsie!!  We'll be changing THAT at practice tomorrow.  The reason we have practice tomorrow instead of Thursday is we're performing at the freshmen orientation assembly on Thursday. YES!! That's going to be FUN!  And people will love it so much they'll want to join :)  Of course.  But only the cool ones. :)
Anywhoosen.  I'm learning new things all the time.  Not just interesting fact type things, but life helping type things.  It's pretty awesome.  Sometimes the learning them part isn't the easiest.. but who said it would be easy? (No, He only said it would be worth it.  Love that quote.)
Love.  I have a lot of that.  It's so much I'm pretty sure it's spilling out of me.  And probably getting in to other people.  Hey wait a minute, it's getting in to others!! YAY share the Love. :D
MUSIC!! is another thing I Love.  Why?  Because. It's awesome.  And it's way cute when someone describes how they feel to you through a song...... usually that makes you like the song even more.  Yup yup!

I can't wait....

... so far so great! My sister's are watching Sonny with a Chance, so I decided to put what I hear as my title. Not that it's totally irrelevant, the song talks about how she can't wait for the rest of life because so far, it's been awesome. And this is so true for me! I feel very blessed to have as good of a life as I do. My friends are amazing, my hobby never ceases to make me happy, and life all around is just... well - so far so great! :)

So, we had a marching comp. today. I was just expecting to have some fun, cause I LOVE performing, our show is so so awesome! But I wasn't really expecting what happened.. scratch that, I wasn't expecting what happened at all! We march on, of course that's when the adrenaline rush starts, I'm not really really nervous, mostly just excited, but here we go. We perform, I'm still not perfect at the show, and I drop my swing flag.. OOPS! But the show felt awesome. The ending was ammmmazing. :)

And guess what?! We totally dominated! We won
Best music
Best percussion
Best COLORGUARD [oh yeah!!! :D]
Best visual effect and....
1ST PLACE!!
We swept it. AmazingnessOCITY with a double capital OCITY [and a half on wheels in three different languages and ten quarter eighths of a half with mac'n' cheese and a but wouldn't that make the jello jealous? and a whale mixed in there somewhere.. and I forgot most of it :P]

Later some of us had a movie party at Z's house. We watched Forever Strong. I had never seen it before, and I'd heard it was good. Guess what? It is :)
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I like to flirt. Hey, who doesn't? [I was gonna say "sorry if that bugs anyone" but I don't think that's necessary because.. really.. who would it bug?] It's just fun. Makes me smile, and laugh and all. Though most would argue it's not that hard to get me to smile and laugh, as I do it pretty often. Well, it means I'm happy. Good for me :)
That was a little tangent I just decided to blurt in here. Ees for fun.
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After watching Forever Strong, Mr. Smooth, Osborn, and Gladiater [he picked his name, it's Sc~, you know, cause he's a glad person in general] started throwing a football around. Of course, tackling insued. Ju~ got fed up with it and stole the ball, people pretended Mr. Smooth had it.. or something.. I was a little confuzzled.. but anyway, I was sitting next to Mr. Smooth and they're like "Ch~ has it!" and they dive at him. He ducks or something.. somehow they ended up behind him.. I then call out "Hey! I'm not a football." Hehe.....^_^ Then Mr. Smooth said "Well kinda, I mean there are always guys fighting over you." I respond with "They're not fighting... yet." :P

Speaking of, I was talking to BluntGuitarMan today about stuff... and he said there are at *least* 12 guys who like me. Six if which are in band... Ok, so I know three of them, and I figured out who BluntGuitarMan thinks is the fourth, but the other two, don't know. And what about the other six not in band? Ok, so I know one of those. OBVIOUSLY there are more guys out there that like me that I really have no idea.. ok! It's actually pretty flattering =)

One Group

Joy,
As the wings of this creature expand.
How wonderfully exciting.
How utterly beautiful.
The wings spread and flow
Creating an array of color for all who see it.

Power.
This creature creates a feeling of magnificence
As it snaps and circles through the air.
Clack! As it smacks in to position.
Smaller than the winged one
Yet fierce.

Who controls these creatures?
Who absorbs that Joy and Power,
Exploding it into the crowd?
One group.

One group,
Works to control the creatures.
Over time, and practice, each member becomes one with their creature
As they become one with each other.
Bonded.
One group.
One feel.

One guard.

Colorguard is the best thing that's ever happened to me. The best thing I've EVER decided to do. It's.. my life now. It's part of what makes me, I was literally incomplete without it. And I felt it. when I decided to try it, I had no idea how much I would love it. Thank you J~ and Cl~ for getting me into it! You're amazing! And thank you to my instructors and all you guard girls for making it what it is to me. Love you!

It's ok, I have trouble understanding me, too.

Stripes = way more emotional breakdowns than she's used to. I used to not get those, but lately they've come pretty often. My guess is it's a combination of lack of sleep, lack of food, hormones, and just life in general. Whatever it is, it's weird. These breakdowns only last - at the most - half an hour. When they happen I just feel totally hopeless and that almost nothing will help. For those of you who are around when this happens, I apologize. But, you've been such a great help to me. I'd be even more of a wreck without you! I love you all, I really do.

I had one of those breakdowns today. I get frustrated with my mistakes very easily, and I've been making a lot of them - specifically on the rifle. It seemed every time I tried- I'd mess up, and I didn't know how to fix it. But, as one of my good friends [who happens to be very good at spinning] said: You don't become an expert over night. Ironically enough, I did just learn this stuff yesterday, so that saying was very much applicable. I still felt very very hopeless, and I wanted to cease to exist. Not a happy feeling, not at all. However, I just needed some pep-talk type stuff. Thanks a TON to Sync, Jess, and Jecca - I feel better now.

Interestingly, I find myself having more dedication after every time it seems hopeless. I didn't know any more dedication could fit in me! But, it can, 'cause I feel it. And this is why I'm sticking to Colorguard, I just have such a passion for it. I have another person to say thanks to. This person suggested I join guard in the first place, and I wouldn't have something I love so much if it weren't for him. Thanks John!

I laugh at myself for being such a mess. But, I'll get the hang of these silly breakdowns soon. And, I'll get better at spinning, with all this over-the-top dedication. Then I'll be completely and extremely happy! Woohoo!

Marching Band

Yeah today the guard pretty much sucked at marching. You need to be extremely coordinated to march, keep in line, keep in time, do the right flag routine, and on top of that.. gate turns. Right now it's a little discouraging, but we'll get it! Just need to practice... at least I hope we'll get it, and really REALLY soon.. cause we need to. BUT even though I'm not so good with the marching coordination and all that, I still love it! Yes I know I'm crazy for actually liking marching out in the hot sun, but I really do! There's just something in me that really really likes dancing, marching, and flag.. it's great!
Life is a bit confusing right now.. actually a lot bit.. but I know it will work out!
Luvs!

Color guard!

Dancing is the most beautiful, the most loftiest, the most moving of the arts. it is not mere translation or abstraction of life; it is life itself. --Tiave

I am in love... with color gaurd! :) I really enjoy going, even though I'm not good yet, at all. I'll get better, and I'll really try because this is something I actually enjoy. I like this more than.. anything else I've ever tried. Even when I do something wrong and look stupid I still feel happy doing it. Tiave (one of our instructors) said "I promise you I will work you harder than you have ever worked before." I'm so excited!