Shadowfly

written Sept. 28, 2009

A butterfly
Colorful, happy.
Bringing joy to everyone she flies by
Flutter here
Flutter there
She discovers new things where ere she goes

Somethings make her shine bright
Others worry her
And cause her to lose her glow
But she continues fluttering

Happy with how she makes others smile
Flattered by the care they give her
Laughter, as she flutters through life.
She continues fluttering.

But sometimes when the dimmed glow turns
Even darker...
A Shadowfly she feels she has become
Torn.
Between the sun, sky, stars, and air
All these things she needs to live
She lives for them

Air
Shadowfly needs this the most
Though sometimes she doesn't appreciate it's presence
She cannot survive without it

Stars
Though she may not notice one star or another
She sees the glory they make together
And every day, she sees at least one's individual brightness.
The power of one star is immense

Sun
The most obvious in her life
Shadowfly is thankful, ever so much
For the Son

Sky
It surrounds her
Is always there
As she
Continues fluttering

Butterfly...
now Shadowfly
Torn
Any moment she could become dust
And one more blow
Would scatter her sad remnants
Forever
But she continues fluttering

Fluttering
Ever so delicately
Still trying to share what flow she has
With those she loves.
And Shadowfly keeps on fluttering.

I can't wait....

... so far so great! My sister's are watching Sonny with a Chance, so I decided to put what I hear as my title. Not that it's totally irrelevant, the song talks about how she can't wait for the rest of life because so far, it's been awesome. And this is so true for me! I feel very blessed to have as good of a life as I do. My friends are amazing, my hobby never ceases to make me happy, and life all around is just... well - so far so great! :)

So, we had a marching comp. today. I was just expecting to have some fun, cause I LOVE performing, our show is so so awesome! But I wasn't really expecting what happened.. scratch that, I wasn't expecting what happened at all! We march on, of course that's when the adrenaline rush starts, I'm not really really nervous, mostly just excited, but here we go. We perform, I'm still not perfect at the show, and I drop my swing flag.. OOPS! But the show felt awesome. The ending was ammmmazing. :)

And guess what?! We totally dominated! We won
Best music
Best percussion
Best COLORGUARD [oh yeah!!! :D]
Best visual effect and....
1ST PLACE!!
We swept it. AmazingnessOCITY with a double capital OCITY [and a half on wheels in three different languages and ten quarter eighths of a half with mac'n' cheese and a but wouldn't that make the jello jealous? and a whale mixed in there somewhere.. and I forgot most of it :P]

Later some of us had a movie party at Z's house. We watched Forever Strong. I had never seen it before, and I'd heard it was good. Guess what? It is :)
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I like to flirt. Hey, who doesn't? [I was gonna say "sorry if that bugs anyone" but I don't think that's necessary because.. really.. who would it bug?] It's just fun. Makes me smile, and laugh and all. Though most would argue it's not that hard to get me to smile and laugh, as I do it pretty often. Well, it means I'm happy. Good for me :)
That was a little tangent I just decided to blurt in here. Ees for fun.
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After watching Forever Strong, Mr. Smooth, Osborn, and Gladiater [he picked his name, it's Sc~, you know, cause he's a glad person in general] started throwing a football around. Of course, tackling insued. Ju~ got fed up with it and stole the ball, people pretended Mr. Smooth had it.. or something.. I was a little confuzzled.. but anyway, I was sitting next to Mr. Smooth and they're like "Ch~ has it!" and they dive at him. He ducks or something.. somehow they ended up behind him.. I then call out "Hey! I'm not a football." Hehe.....^_^ Then Mr. Smooth said "Well kinda, I mean there are always guys fighting over you." I respond with "They're not fighting... yet." :P

Speaking of, I was talking to BluntGuitarMan today about stuff... and he said there are at *least* 12 guys who like me. Six if which are in band... Ok, so I know three of them, and I figured out who BluntGuitarMan thinks is the fourth, but the other two, don't know. And what about the other six not in band? Ok, so I know one of those. OBVIOUSLY there are more guys out there that like me that I really have no idea.. ok! It's actually pretty flattering =)

One Group

Joy,
As the wings of this creature expand.
How wonderfully exciting.
How utterly beautiful.
The wings spread and flow
Creating an array of color for all who see it.

Power.
This creature creates a feeling of magnificence
As it snaps and circles through the air.
Clack! As it smacks in to position.
Smaller than the winged one
Yet fierce.

Who controls these creatures?
Who absorbs that Joy and Power,
Exploding it into the crowd?
One group.

One group,
Works to control the creatures.
Over time, and practice, each member becomes one with their creature
As they become one with each other.
Bonded.
One group.
One feel.

One guard.

Colorguard is the best thing that's ever happened to me. The best thing I've EVER decided to do. It's.. my life now. It's part of what makes me, I was literally incomplete without it. And I felt it. when I decided to try it, I had no idea how much I would love it. Thank you J~ and Cl~ for getting me into it! You're amazing! And thank you to my instructors and all you guard girls for making it what it is to me. Love you!

From The Start

It was like you already knew me.
Or at least, so it seemed.
You know how to make me laugh, and when you did
I beamed.

I felt like I could tell you anything
You were always so supportive
From the start.

Whenever we talked I'd learn something new.
About you, about me
About things I hadn't a clue.
You're so insightful
You always cause me to think
Some new wheel in my mind clicked to life
"Dink dink"

I am a puzzle.
Whenever something isn't right,
It takes me apart
Then goes back together
Adding on to my heart.

A new kind of understanding
A different way to see things.
You're one of those people
Who's helped me to be things
I'm destined to be.

You'll continue to build me
I know that you will.
You may think that we're broken
but still....

We became friends so fast
Why did it momentarily feel
Like it wasn't meant to last?

How did we act
Before the connection thought not to stay?
I get the impression
That it will come back
If we act the same way
That we did
From the start.

If I remember correctly,
The reason it came
Was because we acted like friends
From the start.
So, let's make it the same.

I think it's in yours
'Cause it's in my heart too
This connection we've got
Will help pull us through.

This hope I have
That things will be brighter...
The fact you have it too
Makes it seem even lighter.

I love you, know you that?
...cared for you since the beginning.
And as I write on the verge of tears,
I've known that love is winning
From the start

There You Are

When I'm around you
I feel like a different person.
A better one.
A happier one.
You bring out all the good in me
When I am blind, you help me see.

I close my eyes and there you are
You make me feel like I'm a star.
I shoot across the sky to you,
In hopes you'll feel the brightness too.
Because joy is what I feel,
When I'm with you.

I didn't know what to make of this feeling.
At first I ignored it
Then began to explore it.
The more I did so,
The more radiant the glow.

I close my eyes and there you are
You make me feel like I'm a star.

And in your arms my shine is brighter
You make each burden so much lighter.
I feel safe, and right, there
Wish I could stay there.

I close my eyes....
And there you are.

P.S. Five
=)

Missing III: Infra Red

remember these other two poems with the "Missing" title? [they're in that link somewhere, further down]

here's the third part:

As I searched for the answer
it came to me....
I didn't think it would be this way
And the red kept getting clearer
"It's all coming back to me."
And I felt, I had found it.
I couldn't contain my joy.
My feelings for you grow ever stronger
As I learn more about you

Now I feel the red become more Infra
I can see it
but it's becoming unreachable
As you become unreachable too.

Your story carries powerful emotion
That glass wall
you have been broken.
I'm here
can't I help?

You helped me
find what was missing
I only wish
I could fill a similar gap
for you.

But you seem to be drifting further away
becoming the Infra.
I miss you.

You know you really like someone when...

-Just seeing their name makes you smile
-you *love* their smile, and if they ever smile at you, you go ballistic inside
-you find yourself enjoying the sound of their voice, no matter how weird it is
-you miss them, even if it's only been a day since you last saw them
-seeing them makes you almost sure you're floating
-you melt when they hug you
-you think almost everything they do is cute
-you'd be perfectly happy even if you were 'just friends', if you were *good* friends, of course :)
-you find it an accomplishment if you manage to NOT think about them for one day.
-[if you're a girl] you don't just laugh when you're around them, you giggle.
- you love how they smell, and always remember it
- their eyes are the most beautiful gems in the history of forever, to you anyway
-you've been thinking about that person the whole time you were reading this
-you are now chuckling to yourself because the above is true

Oh, and those four? Status' have slightly changed. It's now three definites, and one maybe. [The same, recent maybe.]

Flee, Flee Fly, Flee Fly Flo

Veesta! Kumala, kumala, kumala veesta. Oh no no no not the Veesta! Eenie meenie decamenie oowah oowah ameenie exameenie solameenie oowah oowah. A beep dope skillyope skeebop deedootn datn. SSSSSssssssshhhhhh.......... VEESTA!

Girls camp was absolutely amazing! Most spiritual experience of my life! I am SO so so glad I went! Full of laughter, funny jokes, smiles, some boredom [I have to admit] hiking, water, lots and lots of food [they always make too much..] and definitely crying. If you really want to know more about it, just ask me.

It's ok, I have trouble understanding me, too.

Stripes = way more emotional breakdowns than she's used to. I used to not get those, but lately they've come pretty often. My guess is it's a combination of lack of sleep, lack of food, hormones, and just life in general. Whatever it is, it's weird. These breakdowns only last - at the most - half an hour. When they happen I just feel totally hopeless and that almost nothing will help. For those of you who are around when this happens, I apologize. But, you've been such a great help to me. I'd be even more of a wreck without you! I love you all, I really do.

I had one of those breakdowns today. I get frustrated with my mistakes very easily, and I've been making a lot of them - specifically on the rifle. It seemed every time I tried- I'd mess up, and I didn't know how to fix it. But, as one of my good friends [who happens to be very good at spinning] said: You don't become an expert over night. Ironically enough, I did just learn this stuff yesterday, so that saying was very much applicable. I still felt very very hopeless, and I wanted to cease to exist. Not a happy feeling, not at all. However, I just needed some pep-talk type stuff. Thanks a TON to Sync, Jess, and Jecca - I feel better now.

Interestingly, I find myself having more dedication after every time it seems hopeless. I didn't know any more dedication could fit in me! But, it can, 'cause I feel it. And this is why I'm sticking to Colorguard, I just have such a passion for it. I have another person to say thanks to. This person suggested I join guard in the first place, and I wouldn't have something I love so much if it weren't for him. Thanks John!

I laugh at myself for being such a mess. But, I'll get the hang of these silly breakdowns soon. And, I'll get better at spinning, with all this over-the-top dedication. Then I'll be completely and extremely happy! Woohoo!

Just Words

I read over and over,
The words which you said
And when I've finished reading,
They run through my head.
How I feel when these words find me,
Is hard to express.
But I know they make me happy,
And well, you know the rest.
I feel my words are inadequate,
Next to those perfect lines.
You know you're good with words,
So was it just that the whole time?
Just words?

Were you only toying?
Are you easily trusted,
Or do I trust too easily?
I don't care what part of my mind thinks,
I believe those words really are for me.
Still I can't help but have some doubt.

Do I build hope too fast?
Is it not how I made it seem?
Those powerful words...
Did the feeling behind them
Run away with the stream?
Are they
Just words?

I think not. How can they be?
Something so sincere...
And I once again convince myself
That you really do care.

How did I do that? How did I make myself see
That all your words are true?
I remember
The way you look at me when we part
Those eyes that always make me smile
And somehow in my heart
I know.