Fray

How many breaks
Can the same string take
Before it simply stops working?
No matter the trends
Or numberless mends
Still a constant lurking

Easy prey for one snip to fray
In no time begin to unravel
Resonance strays and power plays
From that which will always travel

Where notes will not reach
But it's presence exists
Each melody will teach
As the instrument twists

Each twist pulling over and under
The segments which were shaken asunder
Keenly, acutely
Tangled astutely

Broken ends reaching every direction
Pieces newly bound
The unraveled now seeking perfection
Prone to come unwound.

Mulling Metaphors

Casserole. 
This is reminscent of a term I have used before - emotional smoothie.  Why these terms?  Because they indicate mixed emotions which are potentially complicated and very difficult to dig into, analyze, and come out of in a state of sanity.  Why do I decide to use food for these things?  I'm perfectly capable of coming up with cleaner analogies, to be sure.  But that's just the thing - emotional smoothies (or casseroles) are anything but clean.  They can be unattractive if they are not concocted correctly, and definitely a big mess if they are ever spilled.
Why a casserole, then?  Emotional smoothies look uniform because of the fact that they are blended.  In casseroles, on the other hand, you can usually see the pieces they consist of distinctly.  This should mean that a casserole is easier to "pick apart" - well, maybe yes, but also potentially much harder to digest.

Mull that metaphor over if you so desire.

Many things have been going through my head as of late.  I have had trouble focusing because of them.  As I have been trying to pick apart and digest these many things, I have realized that a lot of the poems I have created in the past - and all of the thoughts behind them - can be combined to describe the current state of my mind and of my heart.

So I have linked my thoughts to those poems. (Literally, linked.  As in hyperlink.  Feel free.)

One thought that has been on repeat in my mind is that I fall short of the things I need to do, be, and become.  That I am not enough.  Then there comes a wondering of the honesty of the words I here.  On top of this, the tension created in certain situations - a tension that exists because of my inability to conquer my own emotional wall.  After all of that, I am filled with the hope that things will turn out all right, the tension subside, and that clarity will return.  As I invite the Lord into my mind and thoughts, this hope turns into a comforting assurance, and leads to a feeling of determination to become the way I need to be in order to succesfully continue.

This determination leads to a feeling of a new start, a new beginning.  This is generally a good thing, but can be frustrating when one doesn't quite know how to pick up and start afresh.  It is like my heart and mind are keeping secrets from me, and I have next to no idea how to find them.

Then I am reminded...
...to invite, like I mentioned before
...of the people around me who Love me and are aware just how to help
...that I have found ways in the past to figure out how to start afresh, and that I am capable of doing it.

The fact that my current state of being seems to be a combination of all of my emotional smoothies of the past is a bit overwhelming.  A combination of smoothies?  That definitely does not sound like a very appealing casserole.

Trust me, it isn't.

But I am figuring out how to choose the correct ingredients to make the best kind of casserole.  It will be a result of newfound knowledge and practice.  I'm not sure exactly how long it will take to perfect its recipe, but I have a feeling I already have a fairly good start.

Here's another issue, though.  How does something made of strings create a casserole?

Because I'm still in that state of being as well.

Strings

A violin and its perfect sound take time to tune just right
To resonate and come out full
And when each is stretched - but not too tight
The song is guaranteed to pull

On a heart-string
A clearer, stronger
Beat.
Never before such singing
That would each dissonant
Defeat.

Each note hums along
Deepened mote
Bridge drawn

Built inside our natures to seek
Similarly innate to let it leak
Feasible when it leaves a piece broken
This irreplaceable, priceless token

There is a problem with strings
They are breakable things
Too wound and snap they must
Leaving a note-less dust

Let the air flow through your veins
Any spill forever stains
Is it melting when it rains?
Rinsing out the dusty pains

A custom bow made string by string
A new tune
Begins to sing
Is it too soon
To let it ring?

Feasible that it leaves a string broken
This irreplaceable, priceless token

Just what I needed

The Lord really knows just how to help us when we are struggling.  Earlier this week, I was having a particularly difficult evening, struggling to stay motivated and feeling very down on myself.  I turned to my scriptures, knowing that simply reading them would calm my spirits.  I was not expecting to find what I did.

First of all, here is a little background.  We are still in Romans – so we know this is a pretty happy letter (because Paul gives thanks at the beginning).  Paul is still on the topic of the law, how it cannot save us, and the importance of the atonement.  He teaches how using the atonement and being close to Christ – a.k.a being “spiritually minded” – will bring us “life and peace” (Romans 8:6).  In verse 17, Paul reiterates that we become Christ’s children, as well as heirs, when we have faith in Him and use His atonement.  However, this time he adds a requirement of us: “and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may also be glorified together.” (Romans 8:17).  When we repent and use His atonement, it can be painful, as repenting isn’t meant to be easy.  Because of His sacrifice for us, it is mercifully easier than suffering for our sins would be without Him, but it is still a struggle we go through.  This is one way we can suffer with Christ: when we repent, we involve Him in our changing process and literally suffer with Him.  
Another way we can suffer with Christ is by involving Him in our lives, especially in times of hardship and struggle.  When we do this, a load is taken off our shoulders, and we are incredibly blessed, simply for asking Him to help us through, in other words, asking Him to suffer with us.  He is more than willing to do this for us, in fact, he wishes all of us would open the door and let Him be involved.  When we do this, we will be very blessed and our burdens will be made immensely easier to carry. 

In the next verse, Paul illustrates this point: “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18).  This verse struck me very deeply.  It resonates with the truth of all I have learned about the atonement.  When we use the atonement, we suffer with Christ.  When we suffer with Christ, He makes our burdens lighter and blesses us for our efforts to come closer to Him through our trials.  In addition, He changes us and makes us better – revealing the glory in us, as this verse suggests.

Christ will help us through our most trying times, and not only will He help us, but he will make us better, stronger, more dedicated disciples in the process.  I am so grateful for the message of this verse.  It came just when I needed it, and provided me with great hope, comfort, dedication, and an increased Love for our Savior and His prophets.

Thank you, Paul, for providing these words so that the Lord and His Spirit could guide me to them.

2 Corinthians: Living in His house

Alright, so this entry was a little long.  I'm going to trim it from the original length a bit. If you'd like to see the rest (mostly historical setting because my professor likes us to include that) let me know and I can send it to you.

In the second letter we have of Paul to the Corinthians, I found a theme of “living in Christ’s house” – or, living as He would have us live: with Him.  Paul has just finished discussing many doctrinal discrepancies in the Church in Corinth.  Not only were the people of Corinth a corrupt people (we discussed in class how they were the Las Vegas or “sin city” of their time), but their views and practices in the Church were confusing; there were arguments between groups that each saw the gospel differently.

...

After going through all of that business, I started noticing the aforementioned theme.  This theme is very appropriate, because Paul is now telling them the simple truths of living the gospel after going through all of the “hairy” stuff. (1 Corinthians 11 joke…)  The first place I noticed this was 2 Cor. 5:1 “For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.”  When I read this verse about eternal tabernacles, my first thought was “live in Christ’s house: stand in holy places.”  This dwelling is not something we build with our hands, but something we take with us – ourselves.  When we keep The Spirit with us, our very beings become eternal tabernacles where His spirit and His influence can dwell.

A kind of add-on to this thought is in 2 Cor. 5:17.  “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”  When we live in such a way that Christ can dwell with us, he changes us, he makes us better – and what we were before becomes something new.

A little later, Paul tells us how to live in Christ’s house.  One verse that struck me was 2 Cor. 6:12.  “Ye are not straitened in us, but ye are straitened in your own bowels.”  In other words, you choose your behavior.  If you choose to live with The Spirit, it will become a possibility for you to live with His influence.  Another important part of living with His influence is repentance, and Paul mentions this in 2 Cor. 7:9-11.  Here he talks about godly sorrow, and how it brings repentance.  In verse 11, there are some words that stand out to me.  One is particular is “clearing.”  Like 5:17 talks about, utilizing Christ’s influence – and, with repentance especially, His Atonement – has a renewing effect; a clearing effect.

Skipping ahead a little, 2 Cor. 12:10 sums up these thoughts for us: “therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong.”  Christ makes us better when we live for Him.

As a P.S. kind of thought, 2 Cor. 11:3 reminds us to not let our minds “be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.”  This is an interesting phrase, and it takes a second look to understand it.  What I took from it is that Paul is warning us not to seek more complex answers than we are given in the gospel.  His gospel is simple, it is meant to be so.  Seeking complicated answers will confuse and complicate our thoughts, just as it complicated the views of the Corinthians.  Learn from the simple truths we are given.  Live by them.  They are profound, and will change us for the better, helping us progress until we are completely back to Him.

Enchant(meant)

Surprisingly simple to reach

As if under a spell

Increased meaning in each

The pieces mesh so well

At the end

Wishing I could everything replay

Only to bend

The line of time to record all that you say

Enchant.

Meant with everything that exists.

Enchant.

Meant for both paths to twist

Just enough to cross between

Faces. Smile. Laughter. Scene.

A scene returned from the past

Real. Honest. Make it last.

A sunrise

Gradual the hue and suddenly a burst

Inside eyes

Attent, intent, and care which came first

Then continue through a passage

Which becomes a story of adventure

One reads to find the message

And once discovered, capture

Enchant.

Meant to color, brighten, glimmer

Enchant.

Meant like magic with its shimmer

The spells combine with meaning

Enchantment

Not only to enchant, but an enchanting

That is meant.

The conjurer cannot be fought

A connection in two hearts

To let enchantment pull I wonder if I ought

But I know this is where it starts

Paul's Example, A Type of Christ

In my reading in 1 Cor. today, I found a theme of “prophets.”  How they are great examples to us, and much more on how they teach.  1 Cor. 11-14 are the chapters where we find discussion on spiritual gifts, the responsibility from having those gifts, and prophesying.  There is a lot you could find in these chapters, but I took the angle of prophets: how they teach, act, and that we should strive to follow what they do.

The verse that introduces this theme is 1 Cor. 11:1: “Be ye followers of me, even as I am of Christ.”  Paul is a great example of Christ-like living, as are all of the other prophets.  Paul’s reminder to Corinth, and to us as readers of his epistles, is to look to the prophets to learn how to be like Christ.

Later in my reading, the spiritual gifts are presented.  I’ve read scripture blocks very similar to these multiple times, but I found something new in it today.  (I Love it when this happens.)  At the end of the spiritual gifts discussion, the concept of the “body of Christ” is discussed.  I Cor 12:27: “Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.”  The “body of Christ” is the church, or rather, its members.  When it says “members in particular,” it is referring to how each of us has a unique spiritual gift, and each serves a purpose in the church.  In fact, each person has a responsibility to use their gifts to benefit the other members.  1 Cor 13:2: states “And though I have the gift of prophesy, and understanding all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.”

Spiritual gifts and power are nothing without the Love of Christ.  We are to use our gifts to be charitable and benefit each other, fulfilling our part as a member of the body of Christ.

Paul goes on to discuss this, specifically in relation to prophesy.  1 Cor 14:4:” He that speaketh in an unknown tongue edifyeth himself, but he that prophesieth edifyeth the church.”  Latter day prophets speak in our tongue – simply, in a way we can understand, so that we can be edified.  Paul presents this as an example of using our spiritual gifts to benefit the body of Christ.  Again, tying it back to how we should follow the example of prophets and live Christ-like lives.

To sum up all of these thoughts, 1 Cor 12:31+33 states: “For ye may all prophesy one by one, that all may learn and all may be comforted… for God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.”  Paul wants us to follow the prophets, benefit each other with our gifts, and be comforted as we understand the Gospel.  This is what Christ wants for us as well.

I Love finding themes in my reading. J

Paul's Tips for Happiness

It is absolutely wonderful how easy it is to see principles and helpful scriptures when I am actually looking for answers.  In my reading of 1 Thessalonians yesterday, I found a theme of helpful and comforting reminders.  In this book, Paul is writing to Athens and teaching them.  The things he presents are very good advice.  One that caught my interest is 1 Thes 2:12: “That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.”  Paul is reminding his audience to be worthy of God’s presence.  When we are doing all we can and should in our lives, His help is more prevalent and recognizable.  This is an excellent concept to me, because it tells me that if I want to seek more of His help and influence than I can currently see – I need to make sure I am doing all I can to live worthily of His presence and influence.

A second little reminder I found is in verse 20 of the same chapter: “For ye are our glory and joy.”  The people Paul teaches are very important to him, and in reading this I thought “Prophets today feel this way about us, as do Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.”  Reading this and having that thought come to me was very comforting.  They care about us, and they will do all they can to look out for us.  All we need to do is seek that help.

The last scripture I want to mention is in 1 Thes 4:16-18: “for the Lord Himself shall descend from heaven… then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together when them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the  Lord… comfort one another with these words.”  This is referring to the second coming, and how those who are worthy will be taken up to be with Christ.  (Fun Fact: We learned in class that this is intriguingly referred to as “The Rapture” – which has the Greek root “rapio” meaning abduction or kidnapping.)  However, we can also think of it in context of our own personal “coming to Christ” – I had a similar thought process when I was reading a scripture block in Acts.  The phrase that came to mind as I read these verses was “Be alive in Christ.”  When we come to Him, He will help us live as He would have us, and WE WILL BE HAPPIER.

I Love the scriptures.  I am amazed that He helps me find meaning in even the verses that are hardest to understand. 

Why We Feel It.

I'm at it again, weekly scripture study entries! I didn't do this last semester, because it wasn't an assignment for my REL121 class.  This semester, it is an assignment again, and I have realized that I get so much more out of my scripture study when I am looking for something I could write about.  I see more than just black words on a white page this way.  I really should make these entries a habit, even when it's not an assignment.  Without further ado, here is my first weekly entry of the semester:

My thoughts today are based on a conglomeration of scriptures in Acts 1 and 2.  Let’s set the stage a little bit.  This is during Christ’s 40 day ministry after His resurrection.  We don’t know much about this ministry, and it was a rather brief time for Him to be back.  Because it was so brief, though, He spent it teaching His apostles what to do after He was no longer there, because he wanted His gospel to keep spreading and His church to remain established on the earth.  

I found a verse in the beginning of this ministry to be significant, because it tells a very important concept that Christ taught His apostles during this time of instruction.  The verse states: “But ye shall receive power after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you; and ye shall be witnesses unto me, both in Jerusalem and Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth." (Acts 1:8)

The important concept talked about is the Spirit.  The apostles are to be given this, and its bestowal comes with a responsibility.  The Holy Ghost provides a witness of Christ to them, and they will need to use that witness to be witnesses of Christ themselves, to others.

This is all well and good, but why do there need to be appointed apostles and ministers?  Why teach?  The next chunk of verses I want to talk about gives one very important reason.  This just goes to show that Christ wants us to understand, because he clarifies and answers questions we may have as we study, sometimes even in the next few verses we read.  Acts 2:20-21 states “The sun shall be turned to darkness, and the moon into blood, before that great and terrible day of the Lord come: and it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

The thought that struck me when I read this was “they teach to prepare people for the coming of Christ – like John the Baptist did.”  
Alright, awesome.  But I'm not a general authority or anything, so how does this apply to me?  Why do I have access to the Spirit?  I got to thinking about this, and realized two things.  One was pretty obvious: I can use the witness I have gained to witness to others and bless their lives, just like the leaders of the church can.

The second thing I realized was more profound to me: the Spirit is given so we can teach, not only others but ourselves.  The Spirit is there so leaders can prepare the people for the coming of Christ, and it is given to us so we can prepare ourselves to meet Christ personally in our lives; so we can be ready to come unto Him.  The power and revelation from the Holy Ghost is the way we gain knowledge on spiritual topics, the kind of knowledge that will bring us to Christ.  It is the kind of knowledge that is more than the texts we read from the canon or otherwise, knowledge that is personal and applies to us and our lives right now.

I know the content and realization in this journal entry have come from just that – the Spirit helping me teach myself.  I am very grateful for this ability and opportunity.  I find more meaning in my study and in my life every day because of it.

Thanks for reading. :)

It's nearly impossible.

Sometimes I can't help but think: Is it worth it?  

I've been rather frustrated with this whole not-enough-hours-in-the-day thing.  I want to learn!  ...and I feel like I'm doing very little learning in this fast-paced college setting.  So, here is my frustrated theory: 

What's the point of learning five subjects all at once at an accelerated pace, probably forgetting the majority of what you learned within a few weeks of the final exam?  Learning multiple things at once, sacrificing sleep, social life, family time, and general well-being, drowning every day... and for what? 

Are we actually learning anything, besides how to study and how to take a test?  Those are only worthwhile skills for a few years of your life - and then what?  You forget them.  Sure, you teach them to your children so they can be trained to be fast-paced learners as well.  But for what?  What's the point?

Honestly, I really do Love learning.  But is true learning even happening in this setting?  Real learning takes time.  It takes effort.  It takes a desire to attain information and to grow from the things you find.  Learning means asking questions, and being perfectly fine when you end up with more questions than you began with.  Why?  So you can learn more.  Learning is slow and beautiful.  Learning is an Art Form, and as someone who I'm sure is presently quite famous once said: "You can't rush art."  

So, why do we rush learning?  Why are we assigned mere weeks to inhale a classic novel that should be slowly feasted upon and analyzed over the course of months?  Why do we cram in the basics of a language, something so complex and beautiful that it should not, and truly cannot be skimmed over?  Why are we expected to learn ten new concepts a day, for five different subjects - every day?

So we can hurry-up-and-be-successful in the world with out hard earned college degree?

Well, yes.  But think about this:

We all know we live in a world of instant gratification.  Has that transferred to how we are taught to learn?

Faster.  More.  Get it done, get it done right, and get it done NOW.

Is this how we are expected to learn; because there aren't enough hours in the day - and often not even enough brain power - to learn any other way?  Do we skid across the surface, every once in a while dipping in and finding something worth while?

I think we do.

Think of a ball, skidding across the grass when it's been kicked too hard.  Think of a boat on choppy waters, jumping, bumping, and skidding when the driver attempts to make is go faster than it should in such conditions.

Learning - this is our choppy waters.  Learning is tough.  Learning is involved.  Learning can even be dangerous, and we are attempting to drive too fast.  We are skidding  

and it is painful.

Learning should be more like swimming.  What we are now doing is increasing our potential for injury, and thus our potential of drowning.

That kickball is us.  That bumping boat is us.  Is this how we want to learn?

I've got something to say to this whole thing:

I'd rather swim.