The Origin Of My [First] Name

written and told by - the amazing, one of a kind, absitively posilutely awesome Lemons =]

It'll clarify why popcorn is a leading product in your household.

It began hundreds of years ago. In fact, it began on 700 BC. There was a man. And he disliked butter. For he was Shark Boy. (That was for The Muffin if shes reading this)
and he had gingivitis. A doctor figured out he didn't like butter...so the doctor one day visisted his house. He knocked. Twice. But no one answered. Two answered.

"Hello!" asked the doctor. Shark Boy smiled and the doctor passed out. The boys gums were so red that his eyeballs looked white, when they were.

So shark boy looked at the doctor and licked his passed out face. Then he walked away. Into his living room in fact. He sat on his piano bench. In front of him there was not a piano. There was a large pancake he hung on the wall. He wanted to name the pancake. It was his greatest treasure. He slept with the butter that some day would go with the pancake, even though he didn't like butter.

And he was disgraced for that. In fact he was banned from two sates for it. Yes, the us was back in 700 BC. It died two years later,you'll see. James Madison never made up the Virginia Plan, it was already made. He didn't like butter either.

Anyway, Shark Boy stared at the pancake and realized he was missing syrup. So he went skipping down the sidewalk, as a crowd began to form around the unconscious man on the porch. He didn't seem to care though.
Anyway, as he was skipping, he realized it was Friday the 13. So he turned around, laughed, and stepped on a crack. And he realized he broke his mothers back, but he didn't care, she was a skeleton. So he kept skipping, and was hit by a car the next moment. So he woke up in a court session, where they were consulting his innocence while he was passed out. He objected his own attorney and was sent to jail. For 6 years.
During those six years he mourned for his pancake. He forgot to buy the syrup for it. He didn't want to eat a 6 year old pancake with butter, which he didn't like.

A guard walked up to him, 5 minutes after he was first in his prison cell. And the guard was like,"hey, wanna know how to escape?" Shark Boy turned and answered that that would be delicious. And the guard replied, "you cant." And shark boy passed out.

Meanwhile the doctor came back to life 3 days later and was still on the porch. No body cared he was there. So the doctor began to search Shark Boy's home. And saw the huge pancake. And said, holy gingivitis....ope, that's an oxymoron." And he walked in, and bit the pancake. he was so amazied at the taste, that he was exalted on high, as the manager of himself! Because he ate a pancake, he no longer need to live with his mom!! So he finished the pancake...
and he passed out...on the porch as he was leaving.
when he passed out shark boy woke up. He wanted his pancake really badly. So he bit through the jail bars, and walked home. The guards didn't care. He found the fat doctor on his porch. And ate him, to eat the pancake. The pancake was inside the doctor. And Shark Boy gained a lot of calories. Lots and lots of calories. You cant even imagine. So he decided to go to Dr. Oz, and ask him about his large tummy. But then he realized his last name was Oz... and so Doctor Oz was the wizard of oz, and so he decided to take care of it himself. So he dug to the center of the earth to burn his calories. Literally. And he went and saw on the core, the words engraved on paper, "synthetic aaah ulgh" and he whispered to himself..."stout." huh, and he burnt the paper. Then decided that he wanted to put his own words there.
(If you listened to Gordo's story you would get the "synthetic aah ulgh"
Stripes: I didn't catch that part..
Lemons: geez. It was on a paper on the wall in the center of the earth. It was the key to Jorda's soul, that Genghis Khan established with a fork and a napkin. Anyway)

He wrote in substitution for that, letters that were like this.

KPESELGFKJH

and he said, how grand! And then he opened the door, to the huge flame in the center of the earth, and attempted to burn his calories. The doctor died too, because he was inside of the Shark Boy. And some dude walked down there 3 years later. He decided to re organize the letters. The only managed for it to say K. Then he burned. Then the ugly duckling came down. He wanted to burn his face and become the darth vader of ducklings. But instead, he slipped on his rubber gloves, but on his shades, and wrote on a piece of paper, "lemons." Then he ate it, and was happy once again. Then he pulled out water, and threw it at the paper that said K and he felt like a cow. So he turned into a cow, after asking his mom if she would paint his room purple, like the skittles he used to eat. And he walked down to the center of the earth as a sexy cow.

And decided to fulfill his life dream, and name mother earth something. So he named earth, Irth. He thought he was genius. He was partying with himself all the next minute, when all the sudden a reindeer walked in. And with its super deep voice it yelled, "Goodbye." and he charged at the sexy cow, but right before the reindeer hit it, it decided it was attracted to it. So she looked at it for a minute, then looked at Irth, and renamed it....

And the name was so out of this world that the cow died from lack of oxygen.

The reindeer named it mars.

And then walked up the stairs and was trying to rhyme with mars. She somehow bumped into a rock and died. Your soul (yes, you Stripes. in 689 bc.) then came and looked at the reindeer and laughed. Then went back where you came from.

The reindeer got up and yelled, "THATS IT!" and she ran down into the center of the earth and wondered..."now how do i spell it????" So she went to a professor. when she asked him, he died, and so did the next two professors.

So she made up how to spell it. It caused an epidemic because she spelled it wrong. And a cookie fell from the sky with a name on it. Yes, the cookie said "a name" and the reindeer was inspired to spell the name right. But it died right there. From the epidemic.
And so the name Stripes was forgotten until your mom for some reason remembered it. And now for your last name...

To be continued...

Lemons! This was really really fun. Loves you =]